Since being here I’ve learned that if I focus only on the failures of my past, I will never move successfully into my recovery and as a result I won’t have a future at all to look forward to (unless it’s in a jail cell or a coffin).
Today I spend time looking at the bad and the good things that have happened in my past. But rather than wallowing in self-pity or dredging up painful memories over and over I’m recognizing my faults, moving toward acceptance and looking forward to a positive future of recovery.
Regardless of what’s already happened due to my poor choices- my higher power has a purpose for me otherwise I wouldn’t still be here. It’s not all above me. And for that reason here I stand today in front of the people in my life that truly care.
I know that my higher powers healing power has begun to work in my heart, my mind, my will and my emotions. I was powerless to control my tendencies to do the wrong thing and had lost my gratitude for the little things in life. But I’m finding my faith again and I thank my higher power every morning for being there and for putting me thru the trials, hurts and hang-ups that he has because it brought me here, where I can stand in front of my mother and my husband and say thank you from the bottom of my heart for your unconditional love and support. And I’m truly sorry for the countless sleepless nights, the jailhouse phone bills and excruciating pain I’ve caused.
It’s such a relief to put my worries of tomorrow in my higher powers hands and pray for his guidance while I live for today. I still (and always will) have a lot to learn, but I like me for me again. And I know that what I had become- is not who I truly am.
-S. S. , Age 24